You are sent what you need, not what you want!

So it’s been a very long time since I last posted and unfortunately our season didn’t quite go to plan. We had to cancel a lot of bookings so I thought i’d explain in full what happened and share with you all our plans for the future.

So…. January 2018 I discovered I was pregnant. Bowie would be my fourth pregnancy after three cesarean sections. Without going into too much detail this meant my insides were in a bit of a mess. So following the 12 weeks of nausea that mos pregnant woman experience. I then started suffering with the most horrendous pain in my abdomen. This was largely caused due to a hernia that is the size of a football and a growing baby placing added pressure. I was hospitalized a few times and then to add to my woes PSD (pubis symphasis derangement) raised it’s ugly head again as it had in all my other pregnancies. This contributed to constant pain.

Then at 26 weeks pregnant I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. After a few weeks of trying to control it with diet alone I was placed on insulin and metaformin. From this moment my blood sugars were always really good but I felt awful. So without sounding like a complete drama queen it was horrendous and I was literally dragging myself threw each day.

Bowie was always going to be a planned c-section at 38 weeks but at 36 weeks I realized that I really couldn’t cope any longer with the pain and the constant fatigue and illness. So I asked for him to be born at 37 weeks and a date was given. The 16th of August was when the final member of our family would make an appearance.

I’ve always worried during my pregnancies but I throughout this pregnancy I was terrified. I had this overwhelming sense that something awful was going to happen. I refused to buy anything for him or even imagine a future with him in it. My level of complete denial was scary.

On the 16th August my gut feeling was proven right when complication during my c-section meant that Bowie’s oxygen levels were compromised for seven minutes after we both lost a lot of blood during delivery. I won’t go into all the details but it was the worst experience of my life and resulted in Bowie being transferred to Sunderland NeoNatal Intensive Care. I remember asking the pediatrician before he left the Cumberland Infirmary if he was going to die. His reply was simply ” I don’t know”.

Thankfully Bowie rallied round and I will always be grateful to the staff of that unit for their medical expertise and their overwhelming support at the worst time of my life. They really are an amazing team and even when I was at my lowest I knew we were being cared for by a very special team.

I have always believed that you are sent what you need, not what you want and this experience has cemented that belief even further. After my pregnancy I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Being in hospital meant that I had to rest. I didn’t have a choice. It meant that concentrating on Bowie was all I could do and most importantly it meant I had time to think about our life and how I wanted things to be.

Maybe if we hadn’t off had that time we wouldn’t have bonded, maybe I would have got post natal depression but most importantly it meant that the fire in my belly for making our campsite work was reignited.

We are fortunate enough to live a good life, I don’t want anymore materialistic items than I already have but I desperately want more time and opportunity to keep moving our home and farm forward. Being able to employ someone to cut my lawn and maintain the garden would honestly be life changing!!